So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
