yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
