Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
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