Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
