is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
