the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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