I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
