are you still at the devil's house?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
