Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
