I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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