I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
