i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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