About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
