dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
