She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
