I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
