It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
