its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
