if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
