I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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