During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
