6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
