my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
