He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
