your room smells of hookers.
And success
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
