I feel like abortions should bother me more
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
false alarm, still single
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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