you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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