I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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