his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I want to fling myself into the sun
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
