Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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