I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
