I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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