I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
