6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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