kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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