If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
