it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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