lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
