next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
