No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
