So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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