Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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