it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
