Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
