dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
