woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
