I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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