Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
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