i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
