Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
